Archive | Me Write Shitty, Some Say RSS feed for this section

The Old Ones – A Story

6 Mar

So today I think we’re going to do something different. We’ll have blog outside. Well, not exactly. Today I let you read some of my fiction, just to prove to those of you who only know me through this site that I do, in fact, have a soul. Brief background info on said fiction: I […]

The Art of Procrastination

6 Feb

I’m writing a book. I should have been done with the book six months ago. You should be reading it right now, proclaiming things like: “Wait, I spent money on this? Where are the boobs and robots? I was promised boobs and robots?” Don’t worry, you will get your boobs and robots. Some day. Right […]

Rules for Writing (2013 Rev. Ed.)

2 Jan

Sometimes I get ridiculously uninspired. I feel as if all my work is terrible, that I’ve wasted my life, and that if anyone ever read anything of mine, they would laugh in my face (or at my URL). After I go through the necessary stages of grief: drinking (beer), agita, bullshitting, drinking (whiskey), annoyance, I […]

What’ I’ve Learned From George Lucas

24 Oct

I’m taking a break from politics this week to talk a bit about Star Wars, mainly because I am sick of politics and Star Wars never dealt with that, unless you count the taxation of trade routes, which is obviously a thorny issue that requires much discussion and….AHHHHHHH! Okay, got that out of my solar […]

Life is Like a Metaphor, or is Life a Simile, I Disremember

18 Jul

Of late as I have been comforting myself with a late-afternoon repose like a blasé 50’s housewife awaiting her husband’s imminent return, I have contemplated the odd use of metaphors and similes within our artistic, political, national, entertainment and hygienic industries. Like contemporary Augustus Gloops, our pundits, writers, politicos, and hygiene specialists have leaned precariously […]

The Money Issue

4 Jul

I work near Wall Street. Now let me say: thems some easy pickins’ for a writer. At 4:00 take a look at how the market closed and you can immediately gauge what the vibe will be at the local taverns. If it drops 200 points, it’s beer and whiskey and gloomy stares at water stains […]

The Thing Inside

20 Jun

The problem with blogging is that I need to use a computer to do it. I, of course, do not own a computer. Computers are impersonal, Orwellian, homogenizers. They are as silent as death and as cunning as surprise death. So usually I have to go to the library to use one of their “thinking […]

A Bong, a Typewriter, and a Jew Walk Into a Bar…

11 Apr

When I was in film school, I took a class that was basically Acting for Directors. It was the only time I ever had to play “Tree.” (More on why film school is a bad idea in a future post.) One of the students asked the teacher whether she thought that getting high could help […]

Sing to Me O Muse, So That I Might Feel Good About Myself

25 Jan

        “Oh, I really don’t date writers.” “Really, why not?” “I don’t want someone to write about me.” “No no no, I’ll write for you.” “LOL.” “Did you just say LOL?” “Yeah.” “I don’t think this is working out.” – The Marquis Rubenstein, The Play is the Bling, Act II The concept […]

Got Writer’s Block? Take Two Pulitzer’s And Call Me in The Morning

11 Jan

So I’ve been working on a short story that has been a true pain in the ass. To make a snobbish writerly metaphor, it’s been a “Sisyphean undertaking.” Every word I put down seemed to bring me closer to my goal, but when I took a step back and looked at the final product, I found […]