Vespucciland

Actually, I lost, like, five pounds. Real pounds, like the ones from my ass. I feel like I am no longer a Fatty Arbuckle and more of an Augustus Gloop. I blame it all on exercise, green tea, and cocaine. It’s a winning combo. The perfect diet. Actually I don’t do diets. Not the physical […]

The two best films of 2013 were Before Midnight and Her. They both dealt with love in all its wonder and sadness, the hope and heartbreak that are flip sides of the same coin, and the fact that love, contrary to what most every Hollywood film seems to depict, is not a task to be […]

I was once asked whether I was Jew first or an American first. It wasn’t meant as an accusation. This was not some House subcommittee on loyalty and patriotism. This was just someone asking out of curiosity. In fact, I’ve been asked this same question a few times in my life, though not nearly as […]

I’ve been writing this blog for over two years, so I guess it’s time I call it quits. My book is done, and on sale until the end of the month – which is tomorrow, so pay up people – I’m in a steady long term relationship with a woman who makes five times as […]

Last night I walked south on Broadway from Union Square. I was going to Silver Spurs which is a diner at 9th and Broadway. It’s been there for thirty-four years. It has a great burger and last night I was really craving a burger. I remember eating at Silver Spurs when I was at NYU. […]

  I really wanted to write about Duck Dynasty, because it is so very easy to write about bayou bigots, hillbilly haters, redneck racists, and other alliterative assholes. I also wanted to write about Sarah Palin and her reaction to the duck dynast’s spiel, especially after it was revealed that she hadn’t actually read what […]

Most of us do not consciously use money in an evil manner. It is what we use to trade goods and services in lieu of the barter system. You have something I want, I pay money for it. I do job, you pay me for job. I need to live somewhere, I pay you to […]

I’ve been suffering from a mild writer’s strain. Not a block, not a dislocation. A strain. I may be putting too much pressure on whatever part of my brain that makes shit up. Actually, the making shit up part is perfectly okay. It’s this blogging thing I’ve been stuck in. Over the past two weeks […]

New York terrifies me, still. If it stopped, I would probably have to move away because it wouldn’t really be New York anymore. Sometimes I just find myself in not exactly the right place at not exactly the right time. It could be a bodega in Spanish Harlem, a bar in Williamsburg, or a gluten-free […]

Last week my work computer got a virus. Not terribly uncommon, happens to a lot of people. It wasn’t like I was downloading porn or anything. Though, my forays to sites that advocate the overthrow of the Galactic Empire and the restoration of the Republic probably didn’t help. Soon after my computer got virused, the […]